FAST Blog: Family Homestead

Permaculture, Preparedness, Homesteading & Survival

Friday, 11 August 2017

Suicide and Mental Health

Did you know that the suicide rate for men is 350% higher than women?
And why is there such a stigma attached to male depression and mental health? Why are we conditioned to think that a man must be infallible? That he cannot have emotions, that he must be carved from stone and be forever the strong sentinel?

If you have me on Facebook then it is no secret that I intended to take my own life this week. Everything became too much, life almost got the better of me and I made the decision to opt out. Luckily Carly found me in the mountains tying the last knot and about to put the noose around my neck. Today is a day I might never have seen if things had been different.

My entire life I have held myself to societies standards, I have been ruthless, a strong leader and have never backed down from a challenge or a fight. By my early twenties I was the president of a motorcycle club, the youngest president in Essex, I took no shit and commanded respect. I have lived an intense Alpha male life and you know what? It's bullshit. No man is an island. It it's OK to not be OK. There is no shame in being vulnerable. I will not hide it, brush it under the rug nor apologise. I cannot thank enough the people that contacted me to support me, it makes me realise how much of an impact one bad day could have made.

If you cannot understand how someone can get to the point where they cannot bear it any more you are one of the lucky ones. But if you ever find yourself in that situation speak up and help will be there, I have been there myself and I will never be too busy to talk someone else out of making the ultimate mistake.
Stay strong, we are all beautifully imperfect humans and we are all in this together. Love you all x

I had wanted to sit and write something about mental health issues and the weeks events but this post is a copy of what I wrote on facebook, I am sure everyone undestands that at the moment I need to focus my time and energy elsewhere.


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  1. Chuck you are so far from being alone , my partner has tried on a couple of occasions . Yes theres so much help if you just ask for it , but that help usually comes from your partner and family and at this moment shes plastering on a smile and going through the motions of life , constantly wondering and watching . Nobody knows what goes on in anothers mind, what can seem so hopeless one day can be totally trivial the next , both of you need to take one day at a time and care for each other , smile at your kids even when you think your the most worthless person on the planet . Your life has meaning and you are loved .

  2. OMG - Tricky, i am crying as i type this! i think that you and jambaloney are 2 of the strongest men i have ever met - because both of you have feelings! my father and most of the men i have ever worked with appeared to be concrete on the outside but i could see it was an all an act or something - i can't really describe it.

    but the minute i met jambaloney i could tell that he felt things, for real, and i knew that was the kind of man i wanted! can he lift a 300lb cab off of a truck and build a most ungodly shed with it? yer darn tootins! can he find the ugliest boat on this whole island and get it a good price? yer darn tootins! and he thinks the world of you, as i do, for doing everything that you and carly are doing!

    YOU are a MAN's man! and if there is ever a time that you need some support from me or him (we don't do facebook) - you can contact me at "" or him at "" and we will send you our phone number and you can send us yours!

    thank carly on our behalf for finding a MAN's man, a hard worker and a beautiful father! she's a right smart cookie!

    and thank you for being brave enough to put out the statistics and for being real enough to share your feelings! NOT an easy thing to do!

    we send our love, as always! your friends,
    kymber and jambaloney

  3. Dear Tricky Wolf,
    I was almost in the same situation and I know what it means, to discover that you are not so strong, as you were thinking you are. That happend to me one year ago and I know now that there are a lot of other solutions to the problems around than suicide.
    I wish you the very best.

    Many greetings

  4. I am totally shocked Tricky and I am so happy that you woke up today to see another day. You are right to reach out, so much suffering is done behind closed doors and it shouldn't. I hope that you'll find the strength and love to carry on, one day at the time. Love to you and Carly and the kids. x

  5. So very sorry to hear that you are having to deal with such great difficulties right now. Know that your blogging friends are right behind you and here to do what we can to support you. All best wishes to you and your lovely family. Love and hugs Amy xx

  6. Dear Tricky Wolf,
    I can't pretend to know how you feel but I wanted you to know that I am deeply moved by your story today. My heart goes out to both you and Carly. I don't have any answers, and I'm so sorry and sad that you've felt the way you do. I am so glad for the depth of love, care and support that Carly and close ones have shown you. You are precious and special to them. I hope and pray that you can find the peace that you need.

    I've been thinking about what I could offer you in terms of good words but I have nothing. Nobody can have the 'perfect' words to reach you. We can extend our love and support but we can not ease the turmoil and bring the peace that is needed to your mind and soul.

    I wondered if you'd be willing to watch this video, the guy talks about JESUS. It's a short sort of rap (and NOT at all heavy or religious). He makes it very clear that it's Jesus who is the answer. The reason I'm asking you to listen to this is not because I'm religious - I'm not. I simply KNOW and LOVE Jesus. He is love and He is peace. (Jesus over Religion).

    If you are challenged by it and want to find out more about Jesus, may I suggest reading the Gospel of John. Jesus says if we seek Him with all our heart, we will find him. I believe Jesus loves you and wants you whole and of sound mind.

    Lastly check out out
    where you'll find info on 'UCB 1 radio' and 'word for today', which may help further.

    Praying for you.
    Sending love Cathy x

  7. That happend to me one year ago and I know now that there are a lot of other solutions to the problems around than suicide.


  8. Oh goodness me, i am very saddened to read this and also very happy to read you are here to see another day, keep plodding on Tricky your life has meaning, reach out to whoever and whatever may help you, sending love and hugs your way - samantha xx

  9. It must depend on the country where you live, nobody here asks a man to be strong anymore and a man has the right to express his feelings and cry if he wants too. When I read your post I think of my father's generation ! I am 74 and I know what depressions are, and also that it takes a lot of courage to put an end to once life ! Maybe it would be good for you to look for professional help. Family is too close. At least it seems to me that you have found the right woman, and that is very important ! With a professional help and working on yourself, allowing you to be yourself and listen to yourself deep inside helps ! You always have to ask yourself : Do I really want this or that or I do it for the others ....

  10. Oh Tricky, I am so sorry you went through this! The world is a hard place to isn't easy. We sometimes lose our way. But you are the only person who is YOU....think about that a minute. When God created you, he made you completely unique. And you weren't put on earth accidently, but with a reason. Every life is priceless. Depression is a tool the Enemy can use to rob us of our sense of joy and purpose. Oh, I know that many many people suffer from depression...probably almost everyone! I do, my husband does. You were so right to say that we are all in this together. We were put here to help each other through this, too. In the end we go to be with the One who Created us, in a Perfect Place...but Cathy is right, only a relationship with Jesus can put all this into focus. Look into it. And know all your blogger buddies out here love and support you. I will lift you in prayer! And your beautiful family! God has given you your life, your love, your family, and every gorgeous, perfect day! Hold onto those gifts, and Jesus, and it will all make sense! God bless, dear one!

  11. I am so very sorry you are suffering from such a terrible illness, it claimed my brother in law just last month and a nephew a few years ago, so your post hit a bit close to home this morning. Very thankful you are here today. Hope you will find a treatment that helps you cope with your illness very soon.

  12. Wow! I was uncertain exactly who this post was about. I hoped that it was not Tricky, but found that it WAS written by him. What luck that you have a wonderful wife who found you in your last moments. I can only relate on a small scale. I had depression following a knee replacement while was getting off the painkillers. I had NO idea that could happen. I only took that medication for a little over two weeks. The feeling of depression shocked me. They say it is chemical and I believe it. Please, please see a doctor and/or counselor! You are on a wonderful life adventure and we all need you!

  13. So sorry to hear that things reached this point. You're an amazing family with so much going for you. Nothing ever stays the same for long and it's ok to be vulnerable and not have all the answers or know everything.
    I hope that you are all able to access the support and space you need at this time.
    Please stick with it, it can and will get better.

  14. Sending love and strength. X

  15. I'm so very sorry to read that life had reached such a point. We only see the part of your life that you choose to show us on the blog and so I, like probably many others, thought that you were so happy and 'living your dream'. Thank goodness that Carly knew the extent of your of mental state and knew to look for you. It's time to lean on your family and friends and hopefully get the help you need to get you through this. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

  16. Sending you love and hugs. Stay strong xxx

  17. No matter how bad things seem now, there is always a way to get through it. always. Glad you're finding yours now. x

  18. That first step is always the hardest being open about it, now you have taken it, lots of little steps now on the road to recovery.

  19. i am crying as i type this! i think that you and jambaloney are 2 of the strongest men i have ever met - because both of you have feelings! my father and most of the men i have ever worked with appeared to be concrete on the outside but i could see it was an all an act or something - i can't really describe it.



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